Khurram Badar / Archive / Writings / A Courier Company GM's Chaotic Thursday

A Courier Company GM's Chaotic Thursday

Poem · 2024-10-31 · 404 words · Khurram Badar

This could build into a funny scenario about corporate slogans gone wrong, fitting for a standalone creative piece. When Marketing Goes Too...

Here's a humorous take on a delivery tagline mix-up.

<antThinking>This could build into a funny scenario about corporate slogans gone wrong, fitting for a standalone creative piece.</antThinking>

<antArtifact identifier="slogan-chaos" type="text/markdown" title="The Great Slogan Catastrophe">
# When Marketing Goes Too Far: A Timeline

Monday 9:00 AM: Marketing meeting to discuss our new slogan: "With time choice delivery, we deliver when you choose"

Monday 9:15 AM: Asad from marketing, still riding high from the biryani incident, decided to "jazz it up."

The slogan evolution throughout the day:
- 10:00 AM: "Time is an illusion, but delivery is real"
- 11:00 AM: "You pick the time, we pick up your stuff (eventually)"
- 12:00 PM: "Choose your time, we'll choose if we show up"
- 2:00 PM: "Like time travel, but for your packages"
- 3:00 PM: "We deliver in your timezone (and several parallel universes)"
- 4:00 PM: "You say when, we say inshallah"

The billboards went up before anyone could stop them. Now we have customers asking:
- "Can I schedule delivery for last Tuesday?"
- "Is 'when the stars align' a valid delivery time?"
- "Can you deliver my package yesterday?"
- "If I choose delivery at 3 PM, which century?"

Customer service calls:
Customer: "I chose 2 PM delivery."
Us: "Which 2 PM? There are so many to choose from!"

Our competitors' responses:
- Speed Post: "We deliver when WE choose"
- Quick Ship: "Time is a social construct anyway"
- Express Mail: "At least we don't deliver biryani"

The final approved slogan: "With time choice delivery, we deliver when you choose*"
*Terms, conditions, reality, and laws of physics may apply

Our CEO's response: "At least nobody's asking about the biryani anymore."

New customer feedback form just has two options:
□ Delivery arrived on chosen time
□ Delivery arrived in this dimension

P.S. - Asad has been reassigned to our new "Time Management Department," which paradoxically doesn't exist yet.

P.P.S. - We're still getting calls about biryani delivery. But now they want it delivered "yesterday."

The End (or is it the beginning? Time is relative in delivery services)

Note on office door: "We now deliver in all time zones, dimensions, and parallel universes. Still no nihari deliveries though. We have standards."
</antArtifact>

How's that? I can make it even funnier by adding more local Pakistani humor or corporate service mishaps if you'd like!

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